[Lups]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

Thank you Lups, and honestly, it isn’t difficult to share as I’ve relieved myself of the emotions tied to the situation. I didn’t mean to only come in and verbally vomit all over your thread and I hope it wasn’t received that way, guess my intention was to share you aren’t alone. Sorry your situation puts you in the thick of it, I believe I’ll be there taking care of my father when he is in similar condition. His 36 years of retirement went up in smoke with his company being purchased by Enron and subsequently losing it all because of their scandal right after. My life is a rolling tragedy now that I write it out

Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope you find more than two hours to rest. I caught the original post and read your comments on your father. You’re quiet the open book and it’s refreshing in this Facebook highlight reel world.

Verbal vomit is basically all of my output so I welcome giving others the same opportunity!

I took the link away from the op, remembering that shit just makes this even harder. My eldest is now 13 and the kid stated and did today in a very casual manner something very wise.

"Mom, have a day off. I'll babysit grandma today. I'll pretend to be one of those kids who has not been traumatized by her fucked up ways and you go and have a beer, I went and bought you some".
I was too worn out to wonder how exactly a 13 year old buys beer, and I was too worn out to realize for hours that I was drinking the non alcoholic kind.
My new rule in life is that if you've been drinking beer like it's going to be banned for 3 hours and just then you check the label, you're too tired for anything.

(The best kid ever tho)

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

My pops is getting on a bit but it's a tough one. We never really had a proper relationship with him when I was a kid. He was working overtime. Hardly saw him. My grandpa raised me and was more of a dad to me. So now my pa is old and I don't know how to connect with him or ask him how he is doing. When I do go see him I get one word answers at times but we mostly sit there in silence. I take a few things over every other month like dish soap, linen... keep him stocked up. He even said sorry for failing as a father but we just can't seem to build that bridge and I don't think I want to anymore. I have my own life and he doesn't ever make an effort to talk to my wife. I don't even know what he thinks of her or if he approves but he came to the wedding though. My kids don't really want to see him so I don't force it. It's weird. When he is with his friends he comes to life (think pixar) but with his own family he doesn't want to know. So now he is getting on a bit. My wife says. What has he ever done for me bar criticize me and tell me that failure is not an option? To the point I ran away from home and joined the army when 17. I even became a doctor but he's never told me he's proud. Only pointed out my lack. When I think about that then sometimes I just drop things off when he is not in and leave. So my wife said as he hasn't been so nice... out goes the annex to our house... we'll be choosing his nursing home next year. When we put grandpa in a home as he required 24 hr care and I just couldn't balance it with work... he admit when he had a drinking problem he kicked my dad out of the house when he was 12... my dad slept rough, got a job... moved in with some strangers... bought his own home and got married. Whenever his dad (my grandpa) would visit him he'd ignore him... that may explain a few things.

This all sounds very familiar. I'm so sorry for you, the role models gotten are not easy to get over but you have obviously done so.

A few weeks before my dad died, a car had stalled in the motorway. I stopped and picked up the three guys in it and took them to warmth (february in Finland gets cold. Seriously fucking cold). My dad shouted at me when I told him because what I did wasn't safe. I told him he would've done the same. "Yeah but Anna now I can't and save you. When I'm gone, who's going to save you when something goes wrong?"

"You do realise that when you die, everything you've taught me lives on and that in a few years your grandkids will be giving me a hand when I fuck up?"

So while I had my dad, you had less but obviously you've developed an understanding of how this works. We adults are not supposed to bring the shit that has happened to us to the next generation. You're basically looking after your shitty dad to show your kids humans matter, no matter who they are.

He is never going to give you the words, so let me: I'm very proud of you for working so hard to make yourself the man you're now. Even if he comprehends the work you've done to make you you of today, it's probably in his mind all thanks to him for making you so tough.

It isnt, it was all you. Now just make sure the next gen takes after you. I'd offer you a non alcoholic beer if this forum was equipped to that sort of thing, I got plenty.