Quote:
Originally Posted by Tambohamilton
Thanks for the replies.
I figure I've got to stay, realistically. I just need to work out how to make that positive.
Yes, nonexistent except fo reproduction purposes only... I find it hard to deal with that; can't switch off the urge. Partner acknowledges that it's an issue, but at the same time can offer no solution. She's petrified I might leave (I've made it clear repeatedly that I want to stay), but can't offer any sort of plan. It's not just sex that's gone; it's any form of physical affection; hugs etc etc...gone.
Going to see a doctor to try and separate what is likely some depression from the relationship issues. I'm very aware that it seems shallow to split up the family basically because I don't get sex...but at the same time it constantly gets me down.
Counsellor would offer more ideas for sure, but my partner can't bring herself to be part of the sessions. Going to stop the sessions for the foreseeable - not very helpful since we can only deal with my side of the story. Initial proposals were some ways for us to show some affection, without any pressure. But turns out that if you don't feel the urge to show affection, and nobody asks you for affection......yeah.
Looks like I need a spoonful of concrete!  |
I have to agree with another person's comment, it's better to leave than to stay 'just for the kids'. Kids are hardy and adapt easily to change, and they will get over it. Whats not acceptable is to bring them up in the illusion of mommy and daddy being unhappy (no affection, no genuine love), and that's the ideal on how relationships are supposed to be. Lotta people out there who didn't learn what it is to be giving, understanding, and a real companion because of this.
You can always teach them who loves them, but you cant unteach a broken home.
As for 'turning off the urge', that is inhumane and unfair to you as a human being. Marriage comes with the idea that you are to rely on this person for your sexual needs for the rest of your life (it goes both ways). I think people don't recognize this when they commit. The other person will have wants when you don't feel like it, and vice versa (or so it should go).
Also, who's to say if you left that life wouldn't improve for the better?