Quote:
Originally Posted by rebekahb
Honestly, it doesn't matter what we say. If this isn't the first time you've heard it then maybe you need to re-examine why you are seeking another opinion.
Most reliable and responsible but yet puts you down and doesn't build you up. Why would you settle? I would rather be single and enjoying my life then have someone who I barely know speak to me like that.
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Ugh... it's not like she doesn't make my life nice. If I look back, I have had maybe 3 scenarios like this in the past 3 or 4 months... I used to have the "rather be single than with someone not worth it" attitude, and she has passed through my filters. I felt worse with other women so to speak... and, I don't want to fix her, but just show her another way... what she decides to do is her decision. But, I don't want to give up on her without giving her a chance to improve...
So far, I haven't talked to her about the lack of support I feel... but then, I am a scientist by education, and I am very open minded about things. I am not quick to judge or respond. So I'm thinking maybe I should tell her that I believe it would be for the better for all of us if we appreciated each other as we are...
As in, I WON'T go into:
- judging physical performance by shirt size is a bad way to go about it
- sports is not done for how you look at the end of the day (i.e. only do those sports that make you look like a bodybuilder)
- some sports being better and others worse
I will just tell her, as I said above: Look, I'm really glad we had that conversation about my training last time. It was open and honest and I thank you for that. However, it didn't feel very supportive to me. I have found in life that things and people go better if they are provided support and shown a way, rather than being discouraged. For example, I have demonstrated that I want to be in shape, and I would appreciate it if you could support me in reaching my goals. Rather than dismissing the fact that I am lifting heavier weights, I would feel supported if you said "Way to go, keep up the good work". I believe that would leave me with a more energized mood to do better. I try to do the same for you and we can help each other reach our goals.
Sounds ok, or does it sound needy, or? I have tried the "I'm leaving and not telling you why" approach historically, and question weather it was the right thing to do. I gave those people no chance to improve themself (which few may have done... but those few would have perhaps been worthwhile)