Hiya,
thank you for all the constructive input! You have helped me see something I was not aware could be happening, i.e. someone using me for self approval.
And, I have realized the difference between a congruence test and toxic behavior...
So, has this thread been good for anything? For me, definitely, it has opened my eyes and made me wiser!
As to all the trolling comments, yes, I did join the forum in 2008, back when E90 was the latest and greatest BMW
And yes, I am 30-ish. And yes, I will give details as I feel are necessary for proper judgement, to protect the privacy of all persons mentioned herein. So yes, I could be skewing the opinions of people with slightly inaccurate information, but I believe the skew will be small.
As I said at the start of my thread, I was (or so I feel) asking for help on talking to "her". Not so much about "is this relationship headed somewhere", where the thread seems to have gone, but that's ok and thank you for that! To a certain extent, I am at peace with where the relationship is headed...
This thread has also opened up some things about talking to friends - which I have few - i.e. I used to chose them if I could get along and never really bothered to comment on their behavior. If they were not "up to my standards", screw it, I didn't bother with them... well, now I guess they deserve some feedback too, which I will try to give...
And yes, I did/do have boundary issues clearly, that's the way I was raised by my mother (help others before you help yourself), which has lead to a lot of good, as well as a lot of pain. But hey, acknowledge it, and I'm going to work on it more.
Thanks everyone for the help and comments!